Tony Tran began to blush as he sat at a small table in the back of a quiet, local Mexican restaurant. Although Tran has the typical life of a 21-year-old student, there is something about him that makes him stand out from most other college students: He is a virgin, and he is saving sex for marriage.
Tran squirmed uncomfortably in his seat while he looked over the menu. His eyes darted from side to side as he avoided eye contact with the waiter and he asked politely for a coke. It was evident that he was questioning his decision to come to the restaurant, and he was worried about talking about his personal life.
However, after a bit of small talk, Tran started to relax and sit back in his chair. He told me about his family, his friends and his childhood. His family was supportive of him and his dreams, and he had nothing but happy memories growing up in a nice neighborhood with lots of children to play with. He drew in a deep breath before he asked to begin the conversation about his virginity.
Growing up playing soccer, tennis and basketball, Tran had the typical life as a child
and in high school. He went to public schools in Lilburn, Ga. and had a good group of eight friends that he did everything with. He now attends Georgia State University where he is in school for exercise science, and has future plans to go to grad school and become a physical therapist. He uses most of his free time to work at a tennis shop nearby to help pay for his
schooling and apartment downtown.
Ever since he can remember, Tran’s parents, along with other important adults in his
life, have instilled in him how important saving sex for marriage is to an intimate relationship. His father and his mother both have only been sexually intimate with each other, and they hope it is the same for Tony.
“I have never even thought of anything except for waiting for marriage. My mom, my dad and most other very important adults with influence in my life had always told me how that was the correct path in life. I guess at first, I had never even thought there were other possibilities.”
Tran recalls being a little kid and sitting in Sunday bible school while their teacher preached to
them about the bible, along with other morals they should all keep in life – one of them being abstinence until marriage.
“I remember having my first girlfriend in high school. My parents would lecture me every time I went to go hang out with her. We hardly ever went to my house to watch movies because my parents would sit in the kitchen where they could monitor us,” Tran said.
This instance, sadly, was not the only time that Tran’s celibacy affected a relationship for him. Tran’s voice rose and anger came upon him as he described his most serious and recent
relationship in college. He dated his girlfriend for two years and she knew from the beginning what his views on relationships were.
“At first she really didn’t care that I didn’t want to have sex with her. I think she even kind of liked it because she knew I wasn’t like many other college guys, who just wanted to sleep with her,” Tran explained.
But his relationship ended traumatically when he received a phone call from his girlfriend on the day of his birthday. His girlfriend broke down in tears when she admitted that she had been cheating on him for the past six months with one of his best friends from high
Tran was devastated, and he confesses that he has trouble trusting any girl he talks
to now, and even has issues trusting his friends.
“It was a really devastating experience for me. It was a rollercoaster of emotions, and I couldn’t help but feel like it was my fault for wanting to wait for marriage. It took everything I had to keep to my morals and stay strong,” Tran said.
In the end, Tran realized how important his morals truly were to him. He was able to look past the horrors and realize the bigger picture that he needed to find a girl with views more
similar to his, and that a serious relationship was not out of the question just because sex was not part of the equation.
Tran said he plans to stick to his celibacy and wait for the right woman, like his parents did. Although he is aware that many struggles will come along with abstinence, Tran is confident that his decisions with his love life will be worth the wait in the future, when he shares his life with the woman he loves.